So I came home from the ophthalmologist today and I just wanted you to know: Fuck you. Or, as we around these parts would say, “Pakyu. Pakyu dobol.”
Let me start from the beginning. Back in October, when the heavens had deemed it necessary to fall upon us biblical amounts of rain, I bought a tube of sealant and applied it on the ceiling – because drippy gutter led to leaky ceiling which further deteriorated into damp bed. Anyway, I got an itch on my right hand, and I ignored it. About a month later, the itch turned into a reddish, scaly, dry patch of annoying skin. By December, I felt like Typhoid fucking Mary. After going to a dermatologist who looked suspiciously like my friend Jex, I was given a prescription for mild soap, moisturizer, Betamycin (steroid), and petroleum jelly.
Around that time, something weird was going on in my eyes. I am not even going to tell you what. All you need to know is that I was scared to death. (Hey, don’t judge. Overactive imagination + scalpel + eye = AAAAIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEE!!!)
So back to the nice ophthalmologist from Medical City, Dr. Ranier Covar. After checking out both eyes, the good doctor asked me a few probing questions, “Do you have asthma?” Check. “Do you have allergies?” Check. “Do you have eczema? Skin asthma?” Check and check (see above). He then told me that the shit going on in my eyes is a. quite common because of the cold weather, b. I’m the third person today to consult him about the same thing, and c. I basically have an allergy in my eyes. I wasn’t even aware that that kind of shit could happen.
AND the eczema and the eye shit both come from one thing… (drum roll please) you, Asthma. I was also told that my kind of asthma is the type that brought along a whole spectrum of side allergies – including but not limited to allergic rhinitis, eczema, and the eye allergies. Wunderbar. Prescription this time? Allergy pills (steroids) and two eye drops (one of which contains steroids). Steroids are friends, though like some friends, they’re only good when taken in moderate amounts.
So my dear Asthma, I fucking hate you. You are a bitch. What are you doing, making up for lost time? I’ve only had you since 2004, did you want to make up for the other 21 years? Demmet.
To wrap up. Asthma. Pakyu dobol, I hate you.
[Also, that weird rash you have? You may want to get that checked. If you’re a freelancer like me and you have no health card, don’t be scared of getting a consultation. I only paid 300 for the dermatologist and 500 for the ophthalmologist. The thing that will cost an arm and a leg are the drugs. Next stop, checking out the HMOs. Stay tuned.]